I’m happy to report that I’m still going strong with my Bible reading and prayer time and exercise time bright and early in the morning. It is only by divine intervention that I’ve been at it for about a month and staying focused. But, it has not been without its bumps.
It’s funny because the other day I was browsing around through the #shereadstruth hashtag on Instagr.am and I came across a comment by which I commented back:
I had been feeling like I was making such great progress. I had been praying specifically for my parenting and how I interact with my girls. Trying really hard to be more compassionate with them, more merciful. Taking more time to do things with them and to just be a better mom. And I was really seeing some changes in me….and in them too. Especially my oldest. Then BOOM! Monster Mommy makes an appearance and I felt like any progress I had made had gone right out the window. Sigh.
What sparked this little episode was a trip to Target and BJ’s. My girls are very “spirited”
out of control. They see the great open spaces of these 2 stores and they just can’t contain themselves. All I wanted them to do was stay with me and just listen when the first time when I say something. My 6 year old decided to break her flip flops on purpose (did you see my picture on Instagr.am and Twitter of the temporarily fixed flip flop? Genius idea!) because she wanted new shoes and that just kind of set me off. Then my 8 year old is practically climbing the shelves at BJ’s and it all went downhill from there. Now, this was definitely not the worst of times with my girls but for some reason, it just got me crazy.
We get home and I’m ranting and raving, carrying on
flipping out while they look at me like I have 2 heads and it sounded something like this: “Why can’t you just listen? Why is it so hard to just do what I’m telling you to do? You’re 8 years old. By this point you should be able to follow simple instructions.”
Sound somewhat familiar? Please tell me I’m not alone! Later on that day I carried on to God the same things I said to my girls. I was so frustrated and I was asking Him those questions about my girls and I felt like He spoke this little rebuke to my heart: “You’ve been saved for 30+ years and you still can’t follow simple instructions. You choose to disobey me everyday too”. BUSTED!!! lol
Needless to say I didn’t feel too great. I didn’t feel condemned but definitely the conviction of the Holy Spirit. I knew I had blown it and honestly was having a hard time forgiving myself. The next morning my phone didn’t charge which meant I didn’t have access to my music playlist for my worship and workout that I’ve been doing. I wound up using my husbands and had to create a new playlist on the fly. One song that I added to the list (I’m thinking a few times or maybe I had it on shuffle or something because it wound up playing like 3x) was Your Grace is Enough. If you’re not familiar with that song, here are the opening lyrics
I was being really hard on myself but I believe that God used this song to remind me that He is merciful to me and I need to be merciful to my kids. It was also a good reminder to me that this journey with the Lord is in fact a marathon and each step IS progress! Each day we are going to mess up and make mistakes but the important thing is to keep going and not to give up. God’s mercies are new EVERY morning. Great is HIS faithfulness. Even when we are not faithful, HE is always faithful.
Side Note: She Reads Truth is launching a new reading plan today so now’s the perfect time to join in. I can’t say it enough: God has used it tremendously to get me on track and know He can use it in your life too. 🙂
Due to the amount of content that is used without permission and proper credit, I am no longer allowing a full RSS feed. I value each and every reader so I hope you will click through and come visit!