Moving Forward Even When You Mess Up
I’m happy to report that I’m still going strong with my Bible reading and prayer time and exercise time bright and early in the morning. It is only by divine intervention that I’ve been at it for about a month and staying focused. But, it has not been without its bumps.
It’s funny because the other day I was browsing around through the #shereadstruth hashtag on Instagr.am and I came across a comment by which I commented back:
I had been feeling like I was making such great progress. I had been praying specifically for my parenting and how I interact with my girls. Trying really hard to be more compassionate with them, more merciful. Taking more time to do things with them and to just be a better mom. And I was really seeing some changes in me….and in them too. Especially my oldest. Then BOOM! Monster Mommy makes an appearance and I felt like any progress I had made had gone right out the window. Sigh.
What sparked this little episode was a trip to Target and BJ’s. My girls are very “spirited”
out of control. They see the great open spaces of these 2 stores and they just can’t contain themselves. All I wanted them to do was stay with me and just listen when the first time when I say something. My 6 year old decided to break her flip flops on purpose (did you see my picture on Instagr.am and Twitter of the temporarily fixed flip flop? Genius idea!) because she wanted new shoes and that just kind of set me off. Then my 8 year old is practically climbing the shelves at BJ’s and it all went downhill from there. Now, this was definitely not the worst of times with my girls but for some reason, it just got me crazy.
We get home and I’m ranting and raving, carrying on
flipping out while they look at me like I have 2 heads and it sounded something like this: “Why can’t you just listen? Why is it so hard to just do what I’m telling you to do? You’re 8 years old. By this point you should be able to follow simple instructions.”
Sound somewhat familiar? Please tell me I’m not alone! Later on that day I carried on to God the same things I said to my girls. I was so frustrated and I was asking Him those questions about my girls and I felt like He spoke this little rebuke to my heart: “You’ve been saved for 30+ years and you still can’t follow simple instructions. You choose to disobey me everyday too”. BUSTED!!! lol
Needless to say I didn’t feel too great. I didn’t feel condemned but definitely the conviction of the Holy Spirit. I knew I had blown it and honestly was having a hard time forgiving myself. The next morning my phone didn’t charge which meant I didn’t have access to my music playlist for my worship and workout that I’ve been doing. I wound up using my husbands and had to create a new playlist on the fly. One song that I added to the list (I’m thinking a few times or maybe I had it on shuffle or something because it wound up playing like 3x) was Your Grace is Enough. If you’re not familiar with that song, here are the opening lyrics
I was being really hard on myself but I believe that God used this song to remind me that He is merciful to me and I need to be merciful to my kids. It was also a good reminder to me that this journey with the Lord is in fact a marathon and each step IS progress! Each day we are going to mess up and make mistakes but the important thing is to keep going and not to give up. God’s mercies are new EVERY morning. Great is HIS faithfulness. Even when we are not faithful, HE is always faithful.
Side Note: She Reads Truth is launching a new reading plan today so now’s the perfect time to join in. I can’t say it enough: God has used it tremendously to get me on track and know He can use it in your life too. 🙂
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Thank you so much for sharing this xx
I’m so glad I read this post! I’m starting #SheReadsTruth tomorrow and I can’t wait! Hooray for more focused time in the word! Thanks for sharing about your Target trip with your girls. Mine are only 1 and 3 but, I get the frustration that you mentioned. His grace is enough…..we just need to ask for it!!!
Well from someone who was there and now have two wonderful girls in their 20’s I can say that they will remember the wonderful moments…and snicker about your “flipping out”. The thing that got me the most irritated was all their father would say is their names and they would be at attention in almost a puddle of tears….and he asked me what the big deal is ? I love what God reminded you of…our disobedience to Him. I am going over the She Reads Truth now…thanks
Oh my goodness Diana – what a FANTASTIC post. I go through this so much, the times when I just snap because I lose my patience. God is so good with His mercy and grace in our lives, but somehow showing that same amount of mercy can be so touch for us. I am so thankful that God doesn’t just ‘snap’. He is so good. Praise Him!
We are blessed as parents to have children that love us no matter what. Go easy on yourself, today is a new day! Amen!
*tough – not touch
Hi, Thank you for sharing this post, moving on is the key because for one God sees that first of all you became aware that you needed to be more compassionate and spend time with your girls..how many of us don’t even become aware of that???? Also being hard on yourself is like self condemnation for you were hanging on to feeling bad that you snapped like all of us humans do…so like you say he is merciful and forgives….just remember that when you think back on again and again and feel bad you are visiting the sea of forgetfulness… Don’t you know that God has a sign there saying “No fishing”!!! We are not suppose to go back and fish up our old sins, they are forgotten about ..God throws them away!!! Why should we fish them back out right? Moving on is certainly the key…in other words living in the moment… we all fall but we can’t truly get back up unless we allow God to forgive us which also means we forgive ourselves.. You sound like a very lovely mom..don’t worry we all have the mama bear in us..that is what really reaches our children, they learn so much through emotion. Sometimes we also try to hard and get caught up in deep to where when something happens opposite to what we are trying we resist it therefore fall.
Have a great day sweetie!
Thank you! Thank you! I too have “spirited” children. Thank God for his grace and mercy.
Well I can assure you that you are not alone. My children are spirited but even more than that their mother flips out! I ask the same questions in volumes that I do not allow in my home and then feel the same feelings of defeat. Thank you for this – it is the encouragement I needed. Indeed every step is progress and we are more than conquerors through Christ who is our strength!
This is such a helpful push to make my morning devotions the first thing in my day. If I try to do them any later, they never happen and too, too often get overlooked. Thanks for being so real and sharing your journey so honestly!
Thanks so much for sharing with us about She Reads Truth! I started it a little over a week ago when you posted about it, and I’m loving it! I’m so excited to dig into Proverbs.
I’m really appreciating your honesty and the direction you are taking your blog. I look forward to reading your posts so much. They’re refreshing. You’re inspiring me in so many ways!
WOW Im so very glad I read this post as I needed it! Itoo have been saved for MANY years yet Im struggling every day with these similar meltdowns as I have a 14 year old and a9 year old BUT my older 14 year old daughter is no longer sweet nor does she comunicate with me unless its a grunt or she wants something.It seems like yesterday I was telling GOD how pathetic I am and shouldnt I be more grounded and farther along for my age and my years as a christian?I just fall flat everyday and Im so ashamed that a teen can reduce me to a teen!But I know I am the adult and I have a choice but its just so hard to controll my emotions lately so its so nice to know that others are going through the same sort of things as well.
I’m struggling some days with my spirited two year old. It always seems to catch up when I’m not diligent with prayer and Bible reading. Funny how that works :). Glad I found your blog… look forward to reading more!